The days of school vacation are quickly coming to an end. This week was a little out of the norm though and I think it's necessary to reflect on the course of events.
- I had my first meaningful Shabbat in a long time
- I spent time with numerous old friends from Aish
- I spent a weekend with my cousin and close friend
- I sprained my ankle and faced a test in which I had to decide if I should pick up the phone on Shabbat and decided against it
- Two boys attempted to kiss me
- I dressed tsniusly, without any exceptions
- I purchased a new chumash
- The Mumbai attacks took place and many Jews were murdered
- A good friend's grandfather passed away and I attended the funeral
- I went to my grandmother's unveiling at a cemetery
- I baked challah
- I got psychoanalyzed, twice
- I cried
- I spent Shabbat with two rabbis who have significantly affected my life
- A good friend's baby was born and named
- My Rabbi and his wife had a new baby
With the course of these events, I began to realize that every time I step foot out my door, I must question the role I will play. First, I am continually finding myself questioning if I am about to be an adult or a child. This is a major characteristic of emerging adulthood and it has its pros and cons. When I left my house for the unveiling on Sunday, I was a child. I was driving myself to the cemetery but as soon as I arrived, I took on the role of the baby in the group. I wasn't leading, I was just standing there, following the crowd. But then I went to a funeral. I drove myself, parked on my own, and entered the funeral home with no one at my side. I stood there alone in the back and cried to myself while I listened attentively to the words spoken about this great man. They told stories of his days in the Holocaust and how he lost his entire family before being able to come to America to create the one before me. I wept and soon left before it ended because I knew I had to get back to my own family. I felt like a complete adult at that point though.
I experienced the ending of life and the beginning of life a lot this week. Whether it touched me personally with my own grandmother or I watched the newscaster repeat the stories of Mumbai over and over again, death surrounded me. Up until a couple of years ago, I had never known anybody who had died. I then attended my father's mother's funeral and was left in utter confusion. Next was my mother's mother just a year ago. During the time of this second funeral, I decided to take a course on bereavement called Death & Dying at ASU. I loved it and learned a lot about the process in which humans come to terms with the ending of one's life. For part of this class, I had to visit a funeral home and I decided to go to a Jewish one to try to make more sense of the few episodes of death I had since been exposed to. It helped and it is strange, but I feel like I am okay dealing with it now. I'm sure it has a lot to do with coming closer to Judaism and understanding the process in its entirety.
It is surprising to me how I experienced life this vacation as well. Two births in about two weeks. It's beautiful to see people close to me bring new lives into this world. I remember crying at Jason's grandfather's funeral and I also remember crying when I first saw pictures of Rachael's new baby boy.
Life feels very real this week. Life is definitely precious. I watch so many people in my life act so carelessly. Drinking, smoking, gambling, having random sexual encounters. It is all around me. It's difficult to comprehend how people care so little about themselves and the world around them that they feel it is acceptable to lessen their lives through acts such as these.
Ah, so it goes. Three more classes left, then college is over.
