So, I don't know how this all came to be.
But it did. I somehow have snagged myself a great job (well, two if you count being a research assistant), great apartment, and great friends. I am en route to getting a great internship and passing my first "year" of graduate school with high grades. I'm sincerely happy and sincerely confused about how this all came to be. I'm not questioning anything but questioning everything at the same time.
New York City is so much fun. It's confusing, exhilarating, fun, exciting, lonely, surprising, and beautiful all at the same time. It's a place that is very much based on perspective: If you're positive, you're life will be positive. If you're negative, well... you're life will be negative. It's all about how you see things and it's quite difficult to stay positive with a smile on your face all the time. But when I succeed at doing this, I succeed at everything I set my mind to. From this, I've learned that in New York, anything is possible.
I am growing as an up-and-coming social worker in so many ways. I can feel myself coming closer to the career I want to find myself settling into. Now, from the girl who pays attention about 10% of the time (if that) in class, writes papers the night before they are due, and frolics around the city with anyone and everyone until dawn (often on weeknights), this is quite the feat. But I'm learning and growing and developing at a rapid rate. My friends see it happening in me. I'm getting along with my family (both sides) for the first time in my entire life. Yes, in 22 years. And I'm financially independent and proud of it.
Of course there are things and people I miss. But, like in Israel, they tend to keep coming to me. I love it. I'm looking for apartments for the fall and I'm contemplating sharing a room... but I think that I can't do that because I love having visitors. So far, four days have not passed since a close friend or family member has visited or stayed over with me. It's amazing. I love this feeling and I never want it to end. More importantly, I love living in New York and I never want that to end.
Monday, June 29
Wednesday, June 10
hmph.
i'm sitting here right now, listening to ashlee simpson, wondering how this day had as many ups and downs as it did. such is life. i had a nice dinner tonight with friends down the street, actually made a new friend, and felt a little more comfortable in new york. i think this is a day-by-day thing. soon, i'll be very comfortable but it's going to take time. and i need to learn to be patient.
i honestly haven't read much for school so far. i also have barely paid attention to anything in any class. i don't think i'm learning very much. i'm reading tonight and catching up but i still don't feel like i'm learning very much new information. i don't know what this means either. school has always bored me though so this isn't new. i remember how convinced i was that i had a.d.d. in high school and my psychologist continually reiterated to me that i was just bored in class and had no real symptoms of a.d.d. i'm not so sure i agree though. my brain is all over the place, all day, every day. i can't sit still for more than five minutes and i can't stay on topic regarding anything. once again, i don't know what this means.
i look around and i think to myself that it might be exciting to live a little on the edge. i don't know how to do this but i think i need to investigate a little more within the walls of this city. washington heights may geographically be on the edge of manhattan but it could definitely not be described as a neighborhood inhabited by those doing so. i'm going to shul this weekend for the first time and i'm curious what the experience will be like.
i talked to my best friend today on the phone and i realized that, yet again, we are separated by not only distance, but communication. in one way or another, i'm separated by communication between most of my friends lately. i need to come to terms with this. it just sucks though and there's not other way to describe it.
so, living in new york has made me quite cynical if you haven't been able to tell from this post and others lately. i'm trying. well, not hard enough, but i am trying. after dealing with the awful administration at yu today, i realized that being cynical for about 10 minutes every day is what i must do in order to function here. these people are really capable of driving someone absolutely insane. nothing is easy around here and i feel as if nothing ever gets accomplished. i really cannot believe how far behind the times this school is as well - everything is done on paper instead of the internet. it's 2009. c'mon.
back to reading about cultural diversity and death. and back to convincing myself that this is worth $20,000 in loans.
i honestly haven't read much for school so far. i also have barely paid attention to anything in any class. i don't think i'm learning very much. i'm reading tonight and catching up but i still don't feel like i'm learning very much new information. i don't know what this means either. school has always bored me though so this isn't new. i remember how convinced i was that i had a.d.d. in high school and my psychologist continually reiterated to me that i was just bored in class and had no real symptoms of a.d.d. i'm not so sure i agree though. my brain is all over the place, all day, every day. i can't sit still for more than five minutes and i can't stay on topic regarding anything. once again, i don't know what this means.
i look around and i think to myself that it might be exciting to live a little on the edge. i don't know how to do this but i think i need to investigate a little more within the walls of this city. washington heights may geographically be on the edge of manhattan but it could definitely not be described as a neighborhood inhabited by those doing so. i'm going to shul this weekend for the first time and i'm curious what the experience will be like.
i talked to my best friend today on the phone and i realized that, yet again, we are separated by not only distance, but communication. in one way or another, i'm separated by communication between most of my friends lately. i need to come to terms with this. it just sucks though and there's not other way to describe it.
so, living in new york has made me quite cynical if you haven't been able to tell from this post and others lately. i'm trying. well, not hard enough, but i am trying. after dealing with the awful administration at yu today, i realized that being cynical for about 10 minutes every day is what i must do in order to function here. these people are really capable of driving someone absolutely insane. nothing is easy around here and i feel as if nothing ever gets accomplished. i really cannot believe how far behind the times this school is as well - everything is done on paper instead of the internet. it's 2009. c'mon.
back to reading about cultural diversity and death. and back to convincing myself that this is worth $20,000 in loans.
Tuesday, June 9
New York, New York
So here I am, in Manhattan at last.
I always had a hunch that at some point in my life I would wind up here. Well, it happened. Reality still hasn't set in though. While walking to school today, I saw a bunch of people hanging out on their front stoops. It reminded me of Sesame Street. But no, it was just Washington Heights.
I've been here for a little over two weeks now (excluding a five day vacation in Arizona) and I'm surprisingly happy. Much happier than I had expected. I have a beautiful bedroom up on Fort Washington Avenue. I've made it comfy and cozy. It is filled with all of my favorite things, including my comforter from college and my happy lamp. The hardwood floors and high ceiling are stunning and make me so thankful for everything I have around me at all times.
School began last week. I am taking 12 credits, which is five classes (and another which begins in a couple weeks). It's a lot of work but I don't feel stressed at all. The program is filled with people from all backgrounds. People range in age, as my professor said, "From 22 to 80". Well, I'm still 21, so take that. I'm by far the youngest person in the program. Typical though. That's how things always work out for me.
On that note, I'm turning 22 this week. It's been quite the year. I graduated college, studied in Israel twice, traveled to Greece twice, and visited Italy and England. I made hundreds of new friends, gained a strong sense of confidence of where I stand in my Judaism, and began a master's program. I began my twenty-first year in Greece, so drinking wasn't too exciting because there is no 'legal' age enforced. Then I spent half my twenty-first year in Israel, another country where the age doesn't matter. So, I must say that I didn't get my time's worth in the American bar scene. Oh well, I'm sure I drank plenty. I'm thankful for the times I don't remember just as much as I am for those that I do.
I'm alone in my bed tonight, like most nights. Last night was an exception and the thunder and lightning made me thankful for those around me. New York City is a lonely place. I'm sure I'm not the first to make such a statement. This place is filled with twenty-something-million people and I've never felt more alone in my entire life. Sometimes a good hug from someone familiar is what is necessary. Other times, like during my lunch break today, the loneliness prevails and I begin to cry. This has happened a lot lately. Today it just happened to occur on the corner of 186th and Amsterdam, right in front of school. The tears that I have shed are silent and lonely tears. I think that they are filled with sadness rooted in the deep feeling of loss I've experienced since leaving Arizona in December and Israel last month. It hurts to leave those close to you.
So I don't know what is in store for my future. My iCal is empty for the first time in years. I had no plans tonight. I have no plans tomorrow night. I might see Sam Thursday night and then Friday night is Shabbat, which I have left the plans up to my friend Luba. Apparently, we are staying local. This is definitely going to be one of those birthdays where the phrase "if you don't expect anything, you can't be disappointed" can be perfectly applied. I guess I'm due for a not-so-exciting birthday since my last birthdays have been spent dancing on bars in Paris (19), bar hopping in Tiveria, Israel with my Aish friends (20), and galavanting through Athens with Laura and my cousins (21). I don't sense that Washington Heights can top those. I hope that doesn't mean I'm getting too old to have a good time.
22 does scare me though. It seems like a crappy year. I probably shouldn't go into a new year with such a negative attitude. I spoke with a friend the other day who is older and said that she wished she could have stayed 22 forever. I think I feel that way about 21. It's crazy to think that a year in my life could be more amazing, exciting, and eventful than the past 360 days have been. But that's the way the world works. Who knows, I could meet the man of my dreams. I could actually learn Hebrew. I could learn to play guitar. I could finally spend a good amount of time (though never enough) with my best friend. These could potentially make the year a runner-up to 21. I still don't know about surpassing it though...
Well, that's about it for the ranting and raving of my last Tuesday as a 21-year-old. Here's to two more days of classes, a day off, Shabbat/my birthday, and Sunday with my parents. Let's go New York City.
I always had a hunch that at some point in my life I would wind up here. Well, it happened. Reality still hasn't set in though. While walking to school today, I saw a bunch of people hanging out on their front stoops. It reminded me of Sesame Street. But no, it was just Washington Heights.
I've been here for a little over two weeks now (excluding a five day vacation in Arizona) and I'm surprisingly happy. Much happier than I had expected. I have a beautiful bedroom up on Fort Washington Avenue. I've made it comfy and cozy. It is filled with all of my favorite things, including my comforter from college and my happy lamp. The hardwood floors and high ceiling are stunning and make me so thankful for everything I have around me at all times.
School began last week. I am taking 12 credits, which is five classes (and another which begins in a couple weeks). It's a lot of work but I don't feel stressed at all. The program is filled with people from all backgrounds. People range in age, as my professor said, "From 22 to 80". Well, I'm still 21, so take that. I'm by far the youngest person in the program. Typical though. That's how things always work out for me.
On that note, I'm turning 22 this week. It's been quite the year. I graduated college, studied in Israel twice, traveled to Greece twice, and visited Italy and England. I made hundreds of new friends, gained a strong sense of confidence of where I stand in my Judaism, and began a master's program. I began my twenty-first year in Greece, so drinking wasn't too exciting because there is no 'legal' age enforced. Then I spent half my twenty-first year in Israel, another country where the age doesn't matter. So, I must say that I didn't get my time's worth in the American bar scene. Oh well, I'm sure I drank plenty. I'm thankful for the times I don't remember just as much as I am for those that I do.
I'm alone in my bed tonight, like most nights. Last night was an exception and the thunder and lightning made me thankful for those around me. New York City is a lonely place. I'm sure I'm not the first to make such a statement. This place is filled with twenty-something-million people and I've never felt more alone in my entire life. Sometimes a good hug from someone familiar is what is necessary. Other times, like during my lunch break today, the loneliness prevails and I begin to cry. This has happened a lot lately. Today it just happened to occur on the corner of 186th and Amsterdam, right in front of school. The tears that I have shed are silent and lonely tears. I think that they are filled with sadness rooted in the deep feeling of loss I've experienced since leaving Arizona in December and Israel last month. It hurts to leave those close to you.
So I don't know what is in store for my future. My iCal is empty for the first time in years. I had no plans tonight. I have no plans tomorrow night. I might see Sam Thursday night and then Friday night is Shabbat, which I have left the plans up to my friend Luba. Apparently, we are staying local. This is definitely going to be one of those birthdays where the phrase "if you don't expect anything, you can't be disappointed" can be perfectly applied. I guess I'm due for a not-so-exciting birthday since my last birthdays have been spent dancing on bars in Paris (19), bar hopping in Tiveria, Israel with my Aish friends (20), and galavanting through Athens with Laura and my cousins (21). I don't sense that Washington Heights can top those. I hope that doesn't mean I'm getting too old to have a good time.
22 does scare me though. It seems like a crappy year. I probably shouldn't go into a new year with such a negative attitude. I spoke with a friend the other day who is older and said that she wished she could have stayed 22 forever. I think I feel that way about 21. It's crazy to think that a year in my life could be more amazing, exciting, and eventful than the past 360 days have been. But that's the way the world works. Who knows, I could meet the man of my dreams. I could actually learn Hebrew. I could learn to play guitar. I could finally spend a good amount of time (though never enough) with my best friend. These could potentially make the year a runner-up to 21. I still don't know about surpassing it though...
Well, that's about it for the ranting and raving of my last Tuesday as a 21-year-old. Here's to two more days of classes, a day off, Shabbat/my birthday, and Sunday with my parents. Let's go New York City.
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