i'm sitting here right now, listening to ashlee simpson, wondering how this day had as many ups and downs as it did. such is life. i had a nice dinner tonight with friends down the street, actually made a new friend, and felt a little more comfortable in new york. i think this is a day-by-day thing. soon, i'll be very comfortable but it's going to take time. and i need to learn to be patient.
i honestly haven't read much for school so far. i also have barely paid attention to anything in any class. i don't think i'm learning very much. i'm reading tonight and catching up but i still don't feel like i'm learning very much new information. i don't know what this means either. school has always bored me though so this isn't new. i remember how convinced i was that i had a.d.d. in high school and my psychologist continually reiterated to me that i was just bored in class and had no real symptoms of a.d.d. i'm not so sure i agree though. my brain is all over the place, all day, every day. i can't sit still for more than five minutes and i can't stay on topic regarding anything. once again, i don't know what this means.
i look around and i think to myself that it might be exciting to live a little on the edge. i don't know how to do this but i think i need to investigate a little more within the walls of this city. washington heights may geographically be on the edge of manhattan but it could definitely not be described as a neighborhood inhabited by those doing so. i'm going to shul this weekend for the first time and i'm curious what the experience will be like.
i talked to my best friend today on the phone and i realized that, yet again, we are separated by not only distance, but communication. in one way or another, i'm separated by communication between most of my friends lately. i need to come to terms with this. it just sucks though and there's not other way to describe it.
so, living in new york has made me quite cynical if you haven't been able to tell from this post and others lately. i'm trying. well, not hard enough, but i am trying. after dealing with the awful administration at yu today, i realized that being cynical for about 10 minutes every day is what i must do in order to function here. these people are really capable of driving someone absolutely insane. nothing is easy around here and i feel as if nothing ever gets accomplished. i really cannot believe how far behind the times this school is as well - everything is done on paper instead of the internet. it's 2009. c'mon.
back to reading about cultural diversity and death. and back to convincing myself that this is worth $20,000 in loans.
