Tomorrow I am going to take a test that everybody says is important. Apparently, it can make or break a graduate school application. I didn't realize a sane person could judge another sane person on a bubble test until I was applying to colleges four years ago. It boggled my mind then and it boggles my mind now. At least now, as a relatively mature adult, I am aware that more people share my view, including the Princeton Review and numerous other 'test-cracking' companies. Phew, sigh of relief. Just kidding, I still have to take the test.
So apparently this test is four hours long. I'm not going to say that I haven't sat in one place for that long because I have numerous times in my life. I read the whole book that Princeton Review wrote on the test and I skimmed the vocab. Like they say, you really cannot increase your vocabulary in one night. Well, so much for studying the night before. I don't think my vocabulary is that bad. I'm sure I'll do average. Or so I hope.
I keep having this weird desire to take some kind of drug. It's been a long time since I've put anything illegal into my system, but what's illegal anyways? It's all relative. I just want to alter my mindset right now. I ate a big bowl of elbow noodles earlier; those were my favorite when I was little. It was probably about three servings. That's a lot of noodles. And then I ate a lot of Double Rainbow ice cream with hot fudge. And I skipped the bowl step and used the container to the mouth method, hot fudge included. After that, I still felt the need to alter my mind. I came online to see if anyone interesting was on. Not much luck. Then I skimmed the "writing" section of my book. Err, not much luck there either. I think I write just fine. Now I'm here, writing some random slew of thoughts that is most likely not going to aid me on my test, aid me in falling asleep, or aid me in calming my nerves. So, what's the best thing to do right now? I'm not sure. When I was younger, writing brought me clarity. I guess if it's keeping me from taking something I shouldn't be doing out, then it's not a bad alternative.
I took a mini test today for one of my ridiculous online science classes and I got a 7/10. The answers were not in the 2 pages of reading. I couldn't find them online. I asked friends and they didn't know either. It made no sense. Then Meghan took it next to me, got easier questions, and got a 10/10. Sometimes I wonder why things like this happen. I also wonder why I am being forced to take two absurd courses online that are in no way going to further my intelligence.
Sometimes I wonder if I could be a professor. I mean, I could be a professor, but I wonder if I should be. In class, my friend Alex suggested applying for the PhD program in Family & Human Development at ASU. We talked it out and came to the conclusion that both of us would have really strong applications and would most likely be accepted. That's a big deal. There aren't many people who are 21 years old who can conclude that they have a high chance of being accepted to a high ranked PhD program.
This reminds me of senior year of high school (and I will continue to say this). I applied to all these schools for prestige, just to prove to whomever that I could get in. And I did get in. Woohoo. I got a full ride to some great schools. Did I go? Nope. But it was nice to prove it, even if it was just to myself. I almost want to do that again. It's somewhat of a thrill to see what you can achieve. That sounds so incredibly twisted. I wish I understood myself better sometimes.
I feel like I have a very impersonal relationship with the people in my life right now. Yes, that is somewhat of a generalization. Yet, I feel like I have a very personal relationship with the world and with G-d. Does that make sense? And if I move closer one way, do I necessarily have to move farther away from the other? That's what's happening. I'm not sure if I'm doing it to myself though, or if the overall umbrella of everyone being a senior and being too busy for their own good is really what has taken over. Either way, it's somewhat depressing. I miss my friendships and I miss the somewhat solid comfort they create. Hopefully, when time begins to pass faster (i.e. these major exams are taken and the graduate applications are put in the mailbox) we can reestablish the comfort that has been lost. Until then, it's just me and the world. Adventure number 1: Sunday I will go to the Grand Canyon, for the first time, all by myself.
